oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
