he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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