i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
