I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
