Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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