Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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