after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
