so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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