3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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