Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
