i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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