He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You pole danced in your parka.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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