happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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