Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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