I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
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thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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