So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
