Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is Oprah even human
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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