i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As shirtless as possible
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
