I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
