I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So vagazzling was a success
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
