Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize