actually, I'm a sock model
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
