Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
