I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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