Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
