69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
