i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
