i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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