Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
