Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
