Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
