Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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