I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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