there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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