Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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