The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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