Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
