they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
