Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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