Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will be naked everywhere
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
