you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A+ Viking dick
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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