In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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