oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
