i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
