News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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