I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
