Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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