i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
