Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
