tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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