yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
