I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
