guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
