ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
