we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize