my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
