I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
