Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
