Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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