You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This girl is more easily done than said...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
