need another drink. this is the easiest way
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
