when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
